The house on the corner- Habits
Hi and welcome to another installment of On Our Mind. We may open each post in this way, but we may not....let's see if the habit forms- which brings me to the subject of this post- habits, forming and changing them.
Last week, I was reading something (I wish I could remember what and where) the point was made that goals typically are either process goals or outcome goals. I had never really considered this prior to this moment but this point resonated with me.
In therapy I often talk with folks about creating SMART goals. This is an acronym meaning Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic and Time-based. On the surface this type of goal setting is outcome based, however when one takes the time to explore each attribute, then the process can be found.
Having goals that are both outcome and process oriented is important. The outcome side is the big picture, the destination, while the process helps to keep us present and focused on what we need to do to get there.
You may be asking, "Chamika, what does this have to do with habits?". Well, setting goals can be a great way to build new habits (behaviors that we want to adopt), or disrupt and discontinue old habits that no longer serve us.
As the new year approaches, many people often set resolutions but rarely see these resolutions through to a meaningful conclusion... and that's mostly because they don't build the habit that allows that resolution to become a part of their regular routine or the moment stress come into the frame they revert back to habits that are already established (their "default" setting).
When I discuss habits with folks, I share this- Imagine a house on the corner. There is a path that cuts across the corner of the yard from everyone walking across this part of the yard. One day you walk by the house and there is a fence. Now you must take a new path.
It's the same thing with habits. Our minds have a path they like to take. When we start a new behavior we are no longer taking the path through the corner of the yard. This takes some time to get used to and adjust to this disruption. When we disrupt consistently we form a new pattern of behavior, thus forming a new habit.
Don't forget the house on the corner. One day you walk by the house on the corner and notice that there is now grass where the path used to be. The grass isn't as full but it's there. Same happens with the brain. The pathways that we stop using don't fully go away but they grow accustomed to not being used or at least not as frequently.
But it can be easy to revert to an old pattern. That's because the fence gets knocked down and folks start cutting through the old path again. Remember the grass wasn't as full so the path comes back much easier the next time around.
So the next time you seek to break a habit or build a new one, consider the house on the corner, are you making a path or putting up a fence? Either way it takes time, go slow and be patient with yourself (and others; your changes in behavior disrupts their patterns as well).
Til next time.
